How to get better at doing hard things (Counting No-Go's)

Whether we want to become more focused at work, more lenient with the people around us, or eat healthier – the difficult part of accomplishing our goals is making the hard choices that get us there each day.

Jerzy Gregorek probably put it best: “Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life.”

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What to do

When you’re about to engage in an undesired behavior, notice the urge. Then, think “no-go”, don’t give in to the urge — and add one to your "no-go" count.

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Why it works

Two parts of our brains shape our decisions throughout the day. The prefrontal cortex allows us to reason and pursue our longer-term goals. The limbic system lets us give in to temptations and seek short-term gratification. Resisting an unwelcome urge feels so hard because it takes up a lot of mental energy for the prefrontal cortex to go to war with the reflexive limbic system.

There's a third brain area that enables our prefrontal cortex to win that war and lets us follow through with our plans. Scientists call that area the basal ganglia. This system supports us in implementing the plans we create in our prefrontal cortex. While the prefrontal cortex is like the head coach of your brain, the basal ganglia resemble assistant coaches: they break down our plans into concrete actions.

These actions come in two varieties: execution, or doing things that take us closer to our goal; and suppression, or not doing things that move us away from our goal. Scientists refer to the former as "go" (i.e., do) and the latter as "no-go" (i.e., don't do) actions. Now, our basal ganglia resemble a muscle. They atrophy when we don’t use them and get stronger the more we use them. Every time you decide not to act out on an unwelcome urge and choose “no-go”, this trains your “willpower muscle”.

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How to do it

Stanford neuroscientist Andrew Huberman has an excellent approach for training that muscle: Counting “no-go’s”.

That approach has three simple steps. First, whenever you’re about to engage in an undesired behavior, notice the urge. Second, think “no-go” and don’t give in to the urge. Third, reward yourself by adding one "no-go" to your count for the day (you can keep count in your head or use a physical or digital tally sheet). That’s it.

As you get into the habit of counting “no-go’s”, you’ll notice a few things. First, it feels like fun at the moment: Counting a “no-go" when an urge arises replaces the feeling of stress with one of curiosity and playfulness. Second, it feels good after doing it: When we succeed in not giving in to an urge, we feel positive and proud of ourselves. Third, if done regularly, counting "no-go's" eventually becomes a habit — making it much easier to resist unwelcome urges as they arise in the first place.

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Huberman aims to count 21 "no-go's" each day. That’s quite a lot. If you want to start out building the habit for yourself, don’t overdo it: “All big things come from small beginnings”, writes habit expert James Clear: “The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger”.

So why not go for three "no-go’s" per day, starting tomorrow?

Here’s what will happen: You’ll quickly get better at resisting all sorts of unwelcome urges – including throwing in the towel early on a challenging focus task, getting rude with someone who triggers you, or eating something you’d rather want to avoid. 

Until next week,
Christian

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1 more way I can help you

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